








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 415 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 266 matches | ||
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,647 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4738 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2773 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 5892 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 4244 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,516 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pooky | 63% | 97 |
| #2 | AHumanBeing | 59% | 29 |
| #3 | Alyxport | 58% | 89 |
| #4 | Deranged | 53% | 219 |
| #5 | Burgus Churgus | 51% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | AHumanBeing | 59% | 29 |
| #3 | Alyxport | 58% | 89 |
| #4 | Deranged | 53% | 219 |
| #5 | Burgus Churgus | 51% | 49 |
| #6 | zay | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deranged | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Alyxport | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | pooky | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deranged | 628 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | pooky | 318 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | Alyxport | 267 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Burgus Churgus | 187 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | AHumanBeing | 80 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyxport | +1.74 | 85 | 64 |
| #2 | pooky | +1.74 | 78 | 64 |
| #3 | Deranged | +0.49 | 69 | 67 |
| #4 | tbreezy | +0.35 | 86 | 59 |
| #5 | zay | -0.34 | 49 | 52 |





