








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 692 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 515 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5138 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,844 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6501 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6499 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6223 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 7621 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,324,563 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 830 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Peaness | 44% | 134 |
| #6 | ₴aиd_Flєa | 42% | 136 |
| #7 | BaboonHotSauce | 37% | 67 |
| #8 | SaXoN | 36% | 47 |
| #9 | Mr. Lancaster ☯ | 30% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Lancaster ☯ | 9 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Wonkss™ | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Peaness | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | ₴aиd_Flєa | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | BaboonHotSauce | 5 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peaness | 572 | 0.20 | 15 min |
| #2 | ₴aиd_Flєa | 459 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | Wonkss™ | 197 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | BaboonHotSauce | 169 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Sir Chickey Nuggies | 141 | 0.09 | 4 min |





