








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,294 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2028 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2231 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1656 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1379 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $638,097 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Kmatty | 56% | 25 |
| #9 | m | 56% | 102 |
| #10 | a randy houbs | 52% | 25 |
| #11 | smokin' weedle | 52% | 27 |
| #12 | rh | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m | 8 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Cigar | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Rookie | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Kmatty | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | s9an | 2 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m | 769 | 0.34 | 16 min |
| #2 | Gorvie | 139 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | Rookie | 123 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Cigar | 110 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | a randy houbs | 93 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kmatty | +2.68 | 74 | 40 |
| #2 | Keanoo | +2.34 | 54 | 67 |
| #3 | VoCab | +2.16 | 74 | 77 |
| #4 | m | +2.00 | 55 | 63 |
| #5 | Rookie | +1.26 | 48 | 60 |





