








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 955 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 759 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 126 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8113 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,100 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11220 | 30% |
| Smokes | 7365 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 9779 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 8736 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,462,317 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | lasaron | 47% | 286 |
| #8 | father badass | 47% | 81 |
| #9 | negromancer | 46% | 76 |
| #10 | Blåingen ✪ | 45% | 143 |
| #11 | bungle | 42% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haugen | 27 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | sMYGAREN | 13 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | lasaron | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | bungle | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | blindusa | 2 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | haugen | 2705 | 0.20 | 82 min |
| #2 | sMYGAREN | 1158 | 0.19 | 33 min |
| #3 | blindusa | 652 | 0.05 | 20 min |
| #4 | lasaron | 650 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #5 | bungle | 264 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blindusa | +2.46 | 83 | 75 |
| #2 | haugen | +1.51 | 79 | 79 |
| #3 | hysfeskar | +0.52 | 60 | 73 |
| #4 | sMYGAREN | +0.48 | 71 | 75 |
| #5 | father badass | -0.87 | 68 | 66 |





