








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 335 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1011 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1518 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1772 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2329 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,033,043 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 455 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Zerun | 45% | 22 |
| #14 | sparks | 45% | 121 |
| #15 | hummingman | 40% | 42 |
| #16 | GOODWIN | 39% | 18 |
| #17 | Skunky | 25% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GreenGoblin | 13 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | Bane | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | hummingman | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Zerun | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | JamesIOM | 3 | 0.0085 |





