








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 721 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 326 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5269 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,496 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4398 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3976 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 5577 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3545 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,853,837 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 709 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GreenGoblin | 62% | 84 |
| #2 | atom!c sausage | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | Slipper | 55% | 51 |
| #4 | Skunky | 54% | 78 |
| #5 | Bane | 54% | 227 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Aelius | 46% | 138 |
| #14 | sparks | 46% | 127 |
| #15 | Stevey | 43% | 53 |
| #16 | hummingman | 43% | 42 |
| #17 | Sparklynova | 39% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GreenGoblin | 16 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | ✴ 🎀 𝒞𝒽𝓁♡𝑒 🎀 ✴ | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Bane | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | hummingman | 7 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | JamesIOM | 5 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bane | 357 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | ✴ 🎀 𝒞𝒽𝓁♡𝑒 🎀 ✴ | 276 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | moz | 224 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #4 | GreenGoblin | 199 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Skunky | 178 | 0.11 | 4 min |





