








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 434 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 334 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2720 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5680 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5314 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3459 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3160 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $606,064 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chicco | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | hammerfaust | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | sledge_hammer_666 | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | Igel-Stachelbart | 48% | 94 |
| #5 | Ⓢ︎Ⓘ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓘ | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Igel-Stachelbart | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Ⓢ︎Ⓘ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓖ︎Ⓘ | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | sledge_hammer_666 | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | W3nkm@n | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | hammerfaust | 3 | 0.0062 |





