








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2518 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,854 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2566 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2683 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2152 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1453 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $508,349 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anhje | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | bOZNI | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | raR | 58% | 24 |
| #4 | Low Aim | 56% | 41 |
| #5 | S! | 49% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S! | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Low Aim | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | bOZNI | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | HandsomeBanana | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S! | 393 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Richard! | 126 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #3 | Low Aim | 125 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | raR | 114 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | bOZNI | 86 | 0.17 | 2 min |





