








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,952 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 233 | 12% |
| Smokes | 573 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 621 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 525 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $105,928 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Feodor Fläsk | 36% | 11 |
| #10 | YåbeN | 36% | 25 |
| #11 | SmootheN | 35% | 31 |
| #12 | Phear Mowberg | 29% | 17 |
| #13 | LÖrK | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alfahane | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | YåbeN | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Phear Mowberg | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | JapicaL | 2 | 0.0086 |
| #5 | SmootheN | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | badhuset | 136 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #2 | SmootheN | 133 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #3 | Alfahane | 92 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #4 | Phear Mowberg | 73 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | YåbeN | 68 | 0.13 | 1 min |





