








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 114 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2297 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,488 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1520 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1870 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2116 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1982 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $544,142 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 284 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kronek | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | Brother Keegel | 60% | 53 |
| #3 | dewis | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | MORBAZHA | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | tPoi$zon | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | dewis | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | MORBAZHA | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | tPoi$zon | 57% | 23 |
| #6 | MOTHER F@CCO | 56% | 36 |
| #7 | The real Hogan | 52% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brother Keegel | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | The real Hogan | 6 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | tPoi$zon | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | dewis | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | MOTHER F@CCO | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brother Keegel | 151 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | MOTHER F@CCO | 79 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | tPoi$zon | 62 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | MORBAZHA | 41 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | dewis | 38 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tPoi$zon | +3.21 | 73 | 75 |
| #2 | Brother Keegel | +1.72 | 62 | 69 |
| #3 | Faalini | +1.21 | 67 | 62 |
| #4 | MORBAZHA | +0.93 | 63 | 60 |
| #5 | Kronek | +0.46 | 68 | 75 |





