








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 601 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6307 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,340 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5183 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6178 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5170 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5809 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,409,125 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 822 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m1 | 63% | 68 |
| #2 | TheBreadmeister | 54% | 101 |
| #3 | loenhard | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | maxb マックス | 54% | 56 |
| #5 | cheZ | 50% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | maxb マックス | 54% | 56 |
| #5 | cheZ | 50% | 92 |
| #6 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 50% | 107 |
| #7 | CLRRRR | 44% | 43 |
| #8 | DictatorDan | 44% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | DictatorDan | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | m1 | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | maxb マックス | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheBreadmeister | 520 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 290 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | maxb マックス | 210 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | m1 | 165 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | CLRRRR | 102 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m1 | +3.44 | 93 | 59 |
| #2 | maxb マックス | +1.91 | 78 | 71 |
| #3 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | +1.22 | 58 | 57 |
| #4 | DictatorDan | +1.08 | 68 | 44 |
| #5 | CLRRRR | +0.78 | 54 | 56 |





