








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 721 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 223 matches | ||
| Faceit | 205 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5713 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4487 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4769 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3206 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,507,478 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1254 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ach1lles | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | krunk rat | 58% | 143 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 56% | 170 |
| #4 | spud | 52% | 94 |
| #5 | munk | 52% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ach1lles | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | krunk rat | 58% | 143 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 56% | 170 |
| #4 | spud | 52% | 94 |
| #5 | munk | 52% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 21 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | krunk rat | 13 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | munk | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | spud | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 383 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | krunk rat | 381 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | munk | 366 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #4 | spud | 321 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #5 | Ach1lles | 113 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | +3.35 | 87 | 65 |
| #2 | spud | +3.19 | 89 | 74 |
| #3 | Ach1lles | +1.34 | 77 | 74 |
| #4 | Board Certified Cuckologist | +0.10 | 90 | 60 |
| #5 | krunk rat | -0.93 | 61 | 52 |





