








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1767 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,640 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1963 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2171 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2080 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1426 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $455,158 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHOP | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | EL1 | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 53% | 74 |
| #4 | sixfoot4 | 52% | 119 |
| #5 | MAch2 | 52% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | EL1 | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 53% | 74 |
| #4 | sixfoot4 | 52% | 119 |
| #5 | MAch2 | 52% | 31 |
| #6 | krunk rat | 51% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | 32 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 8 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | krunk rat | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | MAch2 | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | CHOP | 2 | 0.0081 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | 459 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #2 | krunk rat | 189 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | 153 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | MAch2 | 131 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #5 | EL1 | 95 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sixfoot4 | +5.01 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | CHOP | +2.03 | 79 | 63 |
| #3 | Board Certified Cuckologist | +0.36 | 90 | 62 |
| #4 | MAch2 | +0.28 | 79 | 63 |
| #5 | EL1 | -0.36 | 74 | 59 |





