








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 346 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 227 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,597 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7340 | 34% |
| Smokes | 6008 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4316 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3933 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $189,766 of utility $30 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓕ1ⓩⓩas | 42% | 33 |
| #2 | ζ(2)=(π×π)/6 | 40% | 20 |
| #3 | Jook | 37% | 35 |
| #4 | JaJaDinks | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓕ1ⓩⓩas | 42% | 33 |
| #2 | ζ(2)=(π×π)/6 | 40% | 20 |
| #3 | Jook | 37% | 35 |
| #4 | JaJaDinks | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jook | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | ⓕ1ⓩⓩas | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓕ1ⓩⓩas | 155 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jook | 78 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | ζ(2)=(π×π)/6 | 59 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | JaJaDinks | 42 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓕ1ⓩⓩas | +1.95 | 63 | 74 |
| #2 | Jook | +1.73 | 56 | 62 |
| #3 | Non-Toxic Paint | +0.21 | 22 | 67 |
| #4 | ζ(2)=(π×π)/6 | +0.12 | 61 | 58 |
| #5 | JaJaDinks | -0.85 | 44 | 71 |





