








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 847 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 477 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4558 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,920 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5247 | 25% |
| Smokes | 7007 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3345 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 5321 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,405,747 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 330 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Venom | 51% | 35 |
| #2 | jtslqp | 51% | 59 |
| #3 | boozle | 51% | 158 |
| #4 | po0n4u qqpp | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | ant | 49% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ SOUP NAZI [VIPR] | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | boozle | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | rymez | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | chX | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | ant | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ant | 509 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | ♿ SOUP NAZI [VIPR] | 364 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #3 | boozle | 309 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | rymez | 293 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | jtslqp | 225 | 0.17 | 6 min |





