








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 505 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 460 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5804 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5299 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6134 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 5033 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2965 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,144,052 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1448 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ TEEJAYYYE | 57% | 113 |
| #2 | Tyas | 54% | 74 |
| #3 | sayT | 52% | 168 |
| #4 | haipie | 51% | 90 |
| #5 | jtslqp | 49% | 156 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chX | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Janus | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Fred (human reaction) | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | h | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | sayT | 4 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jtslqp | 649 | 0.20 | 18 min |
| #2 | W! | 417 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | sayT | 316 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | ghost[qt] | 210 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #5 | ♿ TEEJAYYYE | 200 | 0.09 | 5 min |





