








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,085 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 770 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1205 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1531 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1579 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $367,370 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 71 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hopinthejon | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Mystiik♘ | 53% | 40 |
| #3 | Aldo_Raine | 49% | 95 |
| #4 | XpertLingerer | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | 46% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | XpertLingerer | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | 46% | 56 |
| #6 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 42% | 33 |
| #7 | Lando | 27% | 15 |
| #8 | SLUTTBOY SMITTY | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Mystiik♘ | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Aldo_Raine | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Lando | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 193 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #2 | Aldo_Raine | 88 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Mystiik♘ | 79 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | XpertLingerer | 65 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lando | 60 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hopinthejon | +2.29 | 30 | 42 |
| #2 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | +1.74 | 46 | 55 |
| #3 | Average Haitian Cannibal | +1.63 | 54 | 60 |
| #4 | Aldo_Raine | +1.26 | 36 | 45 |
| #5 | Mystiik♘ | +0.92 | 56 | 51 |





