








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 742 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 83 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4055 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,479 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3655 | 20% |
| Smokes | 6556 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 5971 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2297 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,787,565 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 446 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | hopinthejon | 42% | 88 |
| #12 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 41% | 61 |
| #13 | Lando | 38% | 76 |
| #14 | EaZy10 | 36% | 42 |
| #15 | MyOhMyPancakes | 31% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mystiik♘ | 22 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | SLUTTBOY SMITTY | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | [GSK] not see | 5 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mystiik♘ | 774 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | Lando | 283 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Average Haitian Cannibal | 247 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #4 | Algo | 186 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | SLUTTBOY SMITTY | 166 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Algo | +2.95 | 38 | 61 |
| #2 | Lando | +2.92 | 76 | 55 |
| #3 | Mystiik♘ | +2.40 | 63 | 56 |
| #4 | SLUTTBOY JTtaco Vance | +2.20 | 51 | 44 |
| #5 | Average Haitian Cannibal | +2.02 | 61 | 54 |





