








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 217 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Esplay | 18 matches | 2,003 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3999 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,960 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5421 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4750 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4182 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4607 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,717 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugh | 81% | 21 |
| #2 | DKOP | 75% | 105 |
| #3 | hogelele | 75% | 40 |
| #4 | Jungle Jonas | 74% | 19 |
| #5 | torhenn | 70% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | torri | 65% | 37 |
| #13 | Lundinho | 56% | 18 |
| #14 | PB&JAY | 53% | 34 |
| #15 | insi | 50% | 24 |
| #16 | Lt.Mamacita | 49% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | artie | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | hogelele | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | smud.arney | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | LaptopTORE | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Lt.Mamacita | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DKOP | 878 | 0.39 | 34 min |
| #2 | artie | 543 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #3 | LaptopTORE | 336 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #4 | smud.arney | 317 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #5 | torri | 128 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .tob | +3.90 | 82 | 81 |
| #2 | DKOP | +2.65 | 82 | 88 |
| #3 | Hugh | +1.99 | 64 | 50 |
| #4 | torhenn | +1.29 | 80 | 61 |
| #5 | hogelele | +1.26 | 80 | 62 |





