








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 457 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 292 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2748 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,388 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3495 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3374 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3099 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2420 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $752,935 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 283 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | erzrfx | 46% | 124 |
| #5 | Au5t1n | 44% | 192 |
| #6 | insanebob | 42% | 113 |
| #7 | Kawshun! | 40% | 42 |
| #8 | beazyb | 39% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | insanebob | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | erzrfx | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Au5t1n | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | beazyb | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | SushiLasagna | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beazyb | 408 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #2 | erzrfx | 385 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | Au5t1n | 358 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | insanebob | 159 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | SushiLasagna | 140 | 0.09 | 3 min |





