








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,570 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1622 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2078 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2177 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 693 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $628,240 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | impaLaaa__ | 58% | 31 |
| #6 | king louie | 53% | 214 |
| #7 | suechtel | 49% | 98 |
| #8 | Uwe K. | 49% | 45 |
| #9 | NL BIZZI | 48% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daamn | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | king louie | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | suechtel | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Uwe K. | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | impaLaaa__ | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daamn | 213 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | king louie | 145 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #3 | suechtel | 93 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | gockel.yongez | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Uwe K. | 26 | 0.03 | 0 min |





