








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 960 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 710 matches | ||
| Faceit | 101 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 150 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,338 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9732 | 28% |
| Smokes | 8740 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 9071 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 7795 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,510,082 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 923 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Wicked Bastard | 51% | 359 |
| #10 | Styne | 48% | 98 |
| #11 | kebab | 47% | 58 |
| #12 | SonnY. | 46% | 126 |
| #13 | Peere | 35% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sliepschieve | 22 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | dickcheese | 10 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Wicked Bastard | 8 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Ep0x- | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | VIRIS | 6 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ep0x- | 693 | 0.11 | 19 min |
| #2 | Wicked Bastard | 681 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #3 | Styne | 293 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | dickcheese | 286 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #5 | sliepschieve | 264 | 0.02 | 7 min |





