








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 525 matches | ||
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2004 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2621 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 5540 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 4225 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,791,624 of utility $266 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Darkangel | 51% | 522 |
| #9 | Wicked Bastard | 49% | 279 |
| #10 | SonnY. | 47% | 139 |
| #11 | 420Angel | 41% | 54 |
| #12 | Peere | 34% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darkangel | 34 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Styne | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | dickcheese | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Wicked Bastard | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Dürüm | 5 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darkangel | 1428 | 0.13 | 43 min |
| #2 | Ep0x- | 611 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #3 | Wicked Bastard | 529 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | Styne | 285 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #5 | dickcheese | 270 | 0.16 | 7 min |





