








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 303 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2553 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,934 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1170 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1336 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 914 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1514 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $927,232 of utility $221 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 640 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rad | 57% | 28 |
| #2 | - booper - | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Mezzi | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | Timothy Kickflip | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | bungalow | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Mezzi | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | Timothy Kickflip | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | bungalow | 47% | 19 |
| #6 | T-Bo | 44% | 54 |
| #7 | Hooplah | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rad | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | - booper - | 3 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | Hooplah | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | T-Bo | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Timothy Kickflip | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mezzi | 119 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | Timothy Kickflip | 64 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | - booper - | 53 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | T-Bo | 50 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Rad | 46 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mezzi | +4.69 | 90 | 59 |
| #2 | atlas | +1.67 | 79 | 60 |
| #3 | - booper - | +1.13 | 79 | 59 |
| #4 | Rad | +0.67 | 64 | 60 |
| #5 | T-Bo | +0.66 | 89 | 45 |





