








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 702 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 642 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,297 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7194 | 25% |
| Smokes | 7209 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7881 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 7013 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,923,742 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 686 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blackjesus^ | 57% | 61 |
| #2 | CreAx | 57% | 65 |
| #3 | Maximp | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | cHonkers | 52% | 312 |
| #5 | KirkeFritzel | 50% | 203 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | KirkeFritzel | 50% | 203 |
| #6 | Aiguo | 48% | 325 |
| #7 | CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS | 48% | 325 |
| #8 | Kimz | 47% | 526 |
| #9 | Dybz | 44% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kimz | 14 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | KirkeFritzel | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | cHonkers | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Dybz | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cHonkers | 1170 | 0.18 | 35 min |
| #2 | CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS | 817 | 0.12 | 22 min |
| #3 | Kimz | 737 | 0.07 | 21 min |
| #4 | Aiguo | 614 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #5 | KirkeFritzel | 452 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS | +1.43 | 74 | 65 |
| #2 | cHonkers | +1.11 | 74 | 73 |
| #3 | Kimz | +1.00 | 77 | 69 |
| #4 | Blackjesus^ | +0.88 | 68 | 68 |
| #5 | Aiguo | +0.19 | 63 | 72 |





