








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 312 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 156 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1946 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1826 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2014 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1179 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1831 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $413,937 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 234 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | kek3 | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | kärinägän | 50% | 16 |
| #6 | Topsuuu | 43% | 14 |
| #7 | timotronic | 34% | 35 |
| #8 | NÄSTY | 34% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NÄSTY | 12 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | timotronic | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | kärinägän | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | kek3 | 1 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Olii | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NÄSTY | 535 | 0.21 | 16 min |
| #2 | timotronic | 77 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | kärinägän | 60 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Olii | 51 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | Veltto | 39 | 0.14 | 1 min |





