








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1064 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 413 matches | ||
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 125 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5817 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,732 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 15020 | 41% |
| Smokes | 7411 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 7261 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 7040 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $872,687 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 156 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Y0lo | 54% | 79 |
| #2 | Sausage Swiper | 52% | 123 |
| #3 | Sack- | 50% | 174 |
| #4 | saint | 50% | 412 |
| #5 | Cruel | 50% | 405 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Gnarr | 48% | 427 |
| #7 | Palmihlynsson | 47% | 159 |
| #8 | Morendiz | 47% | 503 |
| #9 | axiz | 46% | 69 |
| #10 | Biggie Smalls | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gnarr | 9 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | saint | 7 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Cruel | 6 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Morendiz | 3 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | Palmihlynsson | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gnarr | 1175 | 0.13 | 30 min |
| #2 | Morendiz | 871 | 0.08 | 27 min |
| #3 | saint | 784 | 0.09 | 21 min |
| #4 | Cruel | 608 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| #5 | Sack- | 499 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sack- | +1.43 | 54 | 71 |
| #2 | DREDINN | +0.80 | 61 | 86 |
| #3 | axiz | +0.49 | 62 | 61 |
| #4 | Palmihlynsson | +0.33 | 60 | 66 |
| #5 | Sausage Swiper | +0.22 | 83 | 60 |





