








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1832 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,505 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1163 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2198 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2430 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1714 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,525 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | .Antimate | 44% | 36 |
| #12 | Kⓡn | 44% | 121 |
| #13 | snobz | 43% | 58 |
| #14 | seek | 42% | 12 |
| #15 | vonox | 36% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kⓡn | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | schändr | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Super Kaiyajin | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | ^hfkl | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | vonox | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schändr | 292 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | DOYA | 231 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kⓡn | 160 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | .Antimate | 134 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | vonox | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |





