








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 591 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 109 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2873 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,827 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3875 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4203 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4274 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3475 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,007,190 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Den Kække Gris | 54% | 28 |
| #2 | sakkaride | 51% | 45 |
| #3 | Niha | 49% | 89 |
| #4 | Noname | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | kulhydrat | 48% | 256 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | donkey | 47% | 128 |
| #7 | -Psy- | 47% | 30 |
| #8 | El Cazador | 47% | 120 |
| #9 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | 45% | 224 |
| #10 | ԼЗнтO | 45% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | kulhydrat | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | -Psy- | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | donkey | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | sakkaride | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kulhydrat | 473 | 0.09 | 17 min |
| #2 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | 372 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | donkey | 351 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #4 | El Cazador | 109 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | ԼЗнтO | 102 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donkey | +2.81 | 75 | 64 |
| #2 | sakkaride | +1.56 | 62 | 61 |
| #3 | kulhydrat | +1.30 | 55 | 68 |
| #4 | Noname | +0.73 | 63 | 70 |
| #5 | ¤¤VELO¤¤ | +0.03 | 38 | 69 |





