








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 546 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 388 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3547 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,311 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5116 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4139 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 6114 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3942 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,043,356 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 354 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sink | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | Kala'i | 59% | 39 |
| #3 | ✪ Vu808 | 58% | 67 |
| #4 | Keyz | 53% | 120 |
| #5 | Nepp | 51% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Keyz | 53% | 120 |
| #5 | Nepp | 51% | 120 |
| #6 | Straightt | 50% | 115 |
| #7 | Grob Gob Glob Grod | 49% | 43 |
| #8 | human | 44% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Keyz | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Straightt | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Nepp | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | ✪ Vu808 | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Kala'i | 3 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Straightt | 307 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Keyz | 190 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | ✪ Vu808 | 163 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Nepp | 141 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Kala'i | 126 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Vu808 | +2.95 | 87 | 59 |
| #2 | sink | +2.16 | 74 | 67 |
| #3 | Keyz | +1.41 | 76 | 55 |
| #4 | Straightt | +0.92 | 82 | 57 |
| #5 | Rain Staley | +0.87 | 65 | 68 |





