








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
744 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 730 | 16% |
| Smokes | 969 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1869 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 959 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $583,548 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | its me, juan! | 45% | 123 |
| #2 | gTH | 43% | 143 |
| #3 | åns | 42% | 137 |
| #4 | Schnatterer#7 | 42% | 159 |
| #5 | thqst | 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | gTH | 43% | 143 |
| #3 | åns | 42% | 137 |
| #4 | Schnatterer#7 | 42% | 159 |
| #5 | thqst | 40% | 15 |
| #6 | neo | 35% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schnatterer#7 | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | åns | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | gTH | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | neo | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | its me, juan! | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gTH | 361 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | Schnatterer#7 | 300 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | its me, juan! | 268 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | åns | 260 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | neo | 107 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | its me, juan! | +2.42 | 73 | 75 |
| #2 | thqst | +2.25 | 75 | 75 |
| #3 | åns | +0.43 | 48 | 68 |
| #4 | Schnatterer#7 | -1.11 | 39 | 77 |
| #5 | gTH | -1.14 | 52 | 77 |





