








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
576 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,231 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 889 | 28% |
| Smokes | 946 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 848 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 548 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $123,763 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parasiteee | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Fardoche | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | Vnc | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | No.Mercy^ | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Vnc | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | No.Mercy^ | 48% | 44 |
| #6 | Scrye | 47% | 36 |
| #7 | -ThExode - ✔ | 45% | 11 |
| #8 | bobs | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | No.Mercy^ | 4 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Scrye | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | bobs | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Fardoche | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vnc | 103 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | bobs | 86 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | No.Mercy^ | 72 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Scrye | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fardoche | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parasiteee | +3.54 | 83 | 65 |
| #2 | Scrye | +2.55 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | Fardoche | +0.72 | 75 | 60 |
| #4 | TSB Eljoparr | +0.25 | 69 | 72 |
| #5 | TSB Phusiиg ツ | -0.51 | 55 | 54 |





