








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,736 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2122 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2739 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1273 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1602 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $446,759 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | hyperia | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | muph | 50% | 191 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | hyperia | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | muph | 50% | 191 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muph | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #2 | hyperia | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muph | 683 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 64 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | hyperia | 62 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JaN- | +2.32 | 73 | 74 |
| #2 | muph | +0.54 | 59 | 80 |
| #3 | hyperia | +0.24 | 87 | 65 |
| #4 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | -0.63 | 57 | 59 |





