








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2116 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,133 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1491 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2539 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2361 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $763,071 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fajos | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Ramesh | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Kane | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Spitzkopf Larry | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | knOWN* | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fajos | 535 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #2 | Ramesh | 492 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | Kane | 349 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | FaXe | 306 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #5 | knOWN* | 162 | 0.10 | 4 min |





