








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 52 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,851 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1539 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1172 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1140 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1000 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $144,101 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mumle | 55% | 66 |
| #2 | Havebeard | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | Laust Satriani | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | jin | 51% | 55 |
| #5 | SqueakyShoes | 49% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Havebeard | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | Laust Satriani | 52% | 52 |
| #4 | jin | 51% | 55 |
| #5 | SqueakyShoes | 49% | 70 |
| #6 | rüsti | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Havebeard | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | SqueakyShoes | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | jin | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SqueakyShoes | 349 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #2 | Havebeard | 112 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Laust Satriani | 109 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mumle | 79 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | jin | 72 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jin | +2.02 | 70 | 59 |
| #2 | Havebeard | +0.69 | 39 | 71 |
| #3 | Mumle | -0.11 | 61 | 59 |
| #4 | BlaCK^ | -0.26 | 24 | 88 |
| #5 | Laust Satriani | -0.27 | 52 | 59 |





