








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 107 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 315 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,838 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1208 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3386 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 3150 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2094 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,290,308 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Havebeard | 62% | 92 |
| #2 | Laust Satriani | 59% | 59 |
| #3 | Mumle | 55% | 77 |
| #4 | SqueakyShoes | 52% | 77 |
| #5 | BlaCK^ | 51% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Havebeard | 62% | 92 |
| #2 | Laust Satriani | 59% | 59 |
| #3 | Mumle | 55% | 77 |
| #4 | SqueakyShoes | 52% | 77 |
| #5 | BlaCK^ | 51% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Havebeard | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | SqueakyShoes | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Laust Satriani | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SqueakyShoes | 400 | 0.25 | 12 min |
| #2 | Havebeard | 328 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | BlaCK^ | 265 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #4 | Laust Satriani | 116 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mumle | 85 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jin | +1.22 | 68 | 53 |
| #2 | Mumle | -0.20 | 65 | 58 |
| #3 | SqueakyShoes | -0.25 | 54 | 82 |
| #4 | BlaCK^ | -0.27 | 25 | 89 |
| #5 | Laust Satriani | -0.41 | 53 | 60 |





