








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1591 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 211 matches | ||
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2264 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3797 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1695 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2774 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 959 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $988,046 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 740 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sphincter Rat | 66% | 32 |
| #2 | Revolt | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | dis_pc | 61% | 146 |
| #4 | Baldus | 60% | 62 |
| #5 | Trashbag Popcorn | 58% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dis_pc | 526 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Baldus | 233 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | NeilTheGrassfedByson | 209 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | Sphincter Rat | 144 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | Trashbag Popcorn | 66 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeilTheGrassfedByson | +2.67 | 71 | 67 |
| #2 | Revolt | +2.25 | 65 | 47 |
| #3 | dis_pc | +1.85 | 51 | 68 |
| #4 | Chike Pike | +1.50 | 59 | 54 |
| #5 | Baldus | +0.54 | 57 | 59 |





