








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 123 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 368 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,967 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2450 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6064 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 2995 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3458 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,350,483 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Steph | 42% | 33 |
| #11 | CrazyMo | 40% | 68 |
| #12 | ✴ʝυʅιʝα☾😈 | 37% | 89 |
| #13 | Call me Heisenberg! | 37% | 46 |
| #14 | PlüschMonster | 36% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deca | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | CrazyMo | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Decoy | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | sVenTineL | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Abgeschmatzt | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sVenTineL | 182 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #2 | Decoy | 180 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Call me Heisenberg! | 115 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | deca | 114 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | ✴ʝυʅιʝα☾😈 | 94 | 0.05 | 3 min |





