








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
667 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,842 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 641 | 35% |
| Smokes | 493 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 241 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 467 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $148,329 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | YaoYao | 48% | 21 |
| #15 | Miggy | 43% | 7 |
| #16 | Xctasy | 43% | 7 |
| #17 | Piglet | 20% | 5 |
| #18 | Sifu | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YaoYao | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Young Harry | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | 垃圾箱 -iwnw- | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | ColaBearr | 1 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | YerpS | 1 | 0.0115 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EThoS | 232 | 0.41 | 7 min |
| #2 | 垃圾箱 -iwnw- | 168 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | Young Harry | 116 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | YaoYao | 81 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sprusse | 45 | 0.21 | 1 min |





