








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1246 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,552 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 809 | 23% |
| Smokes | 869 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1159 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 715 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $428,639 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | izn | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | Nick (New Mouse/Mouse pad) | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | haipie | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | ghost[qt] | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | ♿ SOUP NAZI [VIPR] | 54% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | W! | 47% | 36 |
| #9 | chX | 46% | 28 |
| #10 | Fred (human reaction) | 46% | 24 |
| #11 | Janus | 44% | 39 |
| #12 | Snook | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ SOUP NAZI [VIPR] | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | chX | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Nick (New Mouse/Mouse pad) | 2 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | Fred (human reaction) | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | ghost[qt] | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿ SOUP NAZI [VIPR] | 183 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | jtslqp | 176 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | Snook | 76 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | W! | 70 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | ghost[qt] | 67 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick (New Mouse/Mouse pad) | +2.87 | 47 | 55 |
| #2 | jtslqp | +1.98 | 44 | 81 |
| #3 | haipie | +1.98 | 63 | 69 |
| #4 | Tyas | +1.26 | 74 | 64 |
| #5 | izn | +0.79 | 46 | 73 |





