










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
124 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 274 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 76 | 28% |
| Smokes | 107 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 21 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 70 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,055 of utility $265 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caymane | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Shikameister | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | kongzai | 55% | 42 |
| #4 | BENK | 51% | 47 |
| #5 | YUNNAN THREE MONSTERS | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caymane | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Shikameister | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | kongzai | 55% | 42 |
| #4 | BENK | 51% | 47 |
| #5 | YUNNAN THREE MONSTERS | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kongzai | 15 | 0.0190 |
| #2 | Shikameister | 14 | 0.0166 |
| #3 | YUNNAN THREE MONSTERS | 4 | 0.0220 |
| #4 | caymane | 3 | 0.0152 |
| #5 | BENK | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kongzai | 117 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | BENK | 23 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | caymane | 22 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | YUNNAN THREE MONSTERS | 20 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Shikameister | 15 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YUNNAN THREE MONSTERS | +9.74 | 95 | 54 |
| #2 | kongzai | +9.58 | 98 | 54 |
| #3 | caymane | +5.42 | 90 | 47 |
| #4 | BENK | +1.41 | 76 | 38 |
| #5 | Shikameister | -1.43 | 47 | 16 |





