








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 281 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6427 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,192 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4991 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4869 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4412 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3920 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $778,163 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AFK✪ | 72% | 96 |
| #2 | RubbyDucky (Ebi-chan) | 69% | 48 |
| #3 | AcousticallyAutistic | 66% | 77 |
| #4 | xM sHaDoW|FSU | 62% | 90 |
| #5 | BasketballRoss | 59% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AcousticallyAutistic | 17 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | BasketballRoss | 13 | 0.0098 |
| #3 | ✪ MASTER CHIEF | 10 | 0.0139 |
| #4 | (☞゚ヮ゚)☞iceman | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | AFK✪ | 5 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (☞゚ヮ゚)☞iceman | 750 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #2 | AFK✪ | 216 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | xM sHaDoW|FSU | 194 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | AcousticallyAutistic | 185 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | BasketballRoss | 177 | 0.13 | 5 min |





