










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




138 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2363 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 744 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 214 | 29% |
| Smokes | 169 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 207 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 154 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $140,841 of utility $22 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 242 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ohsosleazy | 46% | 61 |
| #2 | Oops! I whiffed | 44% | 87 |
| #3 | Ducky | 43% | 69 |
| #4 | OneTapSavant | 38% | 100 |
| #5 | Gay Little Monkey | 36% | 239 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gay Little Monkey | 59 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | OneTapSavant | 39 | 0.0198 |
| #3 | Oops! I whiffed | 14 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | Ah shit! I came | 9 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Ducky | 9 | 0.0066 |





