








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
310 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 856 | 38% |
| Smokes | 852 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 228 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 312 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $76,802 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EvilLarry | 80% | 15 |
| #2 | Joeh | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | sapreezy | 69% | 16 |
| #4 | Chad Bezos | 68% | 22 |
| #5 | idot | 58% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | idot | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | [301 Kingz] 4L Hunter | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Counter | 2 | 0.0213 |
| #4 | krspie | 2 | 0.0370 |
| #5 | Section | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | idot | 130 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Section | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | [301 Kingz] 4L Hunter | 29 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | EvilLarry | 26 | 26.00 | 1 min |
| #5 | Counter | 23 | 0.24 | 1 min |





