








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,307 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 180 | 8% |
| Smokes | 305 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1149 | 50% |
| Molotovs | 673 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $92,736 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Gay Little Monkey | 37% | 49 |
| #6 | MFF | 33% | 9 |
| #7 | BigSperc | 29% | 24 |
| #8 | Ducky | 29% | 7 |
| #9 | ohsosleazy | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oops! I whiffed | 78 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | Gay Little Monkey | 34 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Ah shit! I came | 33 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | MFF | 23 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | Ducky | 19 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oops! I whiffed | +7.39 | 77 | 44 |
| #2 | Ducky | +3.00 | 28 | 49 |
| #3 | FourLoko4FreddieBenson | +1.00 | 58 | 17 |
| #4 | MFF | +0.11 | 63 | 34 |
| #5 | Gay Little Monkey | -0.83 | 77 | 35 |





