








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 265 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 267 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1959 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,908 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5049 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3238 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3972 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3649 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,136,211 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 195 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RozaG | 67% | 24 |
| #2 | Nasty Nas | 62% | 37 |
| #3 | ValorantIsBetter | 50% | 170 |
| #4 | Jamal | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | Sondick the hench hog | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Nasty Nas | 62% | 37 |
| #3 | ValorantIsBetter | 50% | 170 |
| #4 | Jamal | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | Sondick the hench hog | 44% | 25 |
| #6 | Bolty | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ValorantIsBetter | 24 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Sondick the hench hog | 6 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | Jamal | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Nasty Nas | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | RozaG | 3 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ValorantIsBetter | 508 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jamal | 77 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Nasty Nas | 73 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bolty | 43 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sondick the hench hog | 39 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ValorantIsBetter | +3.29 | 69 | 49 |
| #2 | Bolty | +1.22 | 58 | 52 |
| #3 | Nasty Nas | +0.68 | 55 | 67 |
| #4 | Jamal | +0.03 | 54 | 48 |
| #5 | Sondick the hench hog | -1.16 | 48 | 68 |





