








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 290 matches | ||
| Wingman | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3971 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,084 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1363 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1378 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2259 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2084 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $842,750 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duinno | 56% | 68 |
| #2 | GoblinsAreReal | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | RozaG | 52% | 44 |
| #4 | ValorantIsBetter | 50% | 107 |
| #5 | Sondick the hench hog | 48% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ValorantIsBetter | 309 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | Sondick the hench hog | 148 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Toilet | 148 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jamal | 111 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | GoblinsAreReal | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |





