










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 298 matches | ||
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5334 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,305 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2233 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3739 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3041 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2292 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,179,954 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 494 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wi11 | 59% | 39 |
| #2 | retraC | 58% | 50 |
| #3 | Oddity | 56% | 34 |
| #4 | w1 | 50% | 225 |
| #5 | ktrl :> | 49% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | j1ngo | 48% | 52 |
| #7 | smelly bong water | 46% | 56 |
| #8 | steps | 46% | 39 |
| #9 | LilDouble0 | 42% | 38 |
| #10 | Tweek Tweak | 40% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oddity | 18 | 0.0255 |
| #2 | ktrl :> | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | LilDouble0 | 7 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Tweek Tweak | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | smelly bong water | 4 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | w1 | 165 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #2 | j1ngo | 134 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | retraC | 105 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | ktrl :> | 71 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tweek Tweak | 71 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slawter | +0.82 | 71 | 41 |
| #2 | retraC | +0.69 | 64 | 53 |
| #3 | j1ngo | +0.52 | 67 | 54 |
| #4 | LilDouble0 | +0.51 | 68 | 45 |
| #5 | w1 | -0.02 | 76 | 59 |





