








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 135 matches | ||
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 129 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




129 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,524 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2095 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2359 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2265 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2805 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $814,252 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muscular Little Kid | 65 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Mr.Hands | 43 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Ip Man | 37 | 0.0143 |
| #4 | Boo Wh00 | 27 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | SoldACat4Ket | 16 | 0.0193 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boo Wh00 | 809 | 0.20 | 20 min |
| #2 | Boo | 407 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #3 | Muscular Little Kid | 314 | 0.02 | 7 min |
| #4 | Fattest Fuck on the Planet | 214 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Monke | 190 | 0.21 | 4 min |





