








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




48 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2500 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,663 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 574 | 35% |
| Smokes | 313 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 469 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 307 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $111,223 of utility $22 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PolarCub | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | Monke | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | Ip Man | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | Muscular Little Kid | 46% | 234 |
| #5 | BigBootyMichael | 44% | 202 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigBootyMichael | 43 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | Muscular Little Kid | 29 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Boo Wh00 | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Ip Man | 8 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | PolarCub | 6 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boo Wh00 | 323 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | BigBootyMichael | 248 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Muscular Little Kid | 93 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Monke | 77 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fattest Fuck on the Planet | 73 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boo Wh00 | +5.93 | 51 | 78 |
| #2 | Fattest Fuck on the Planet | +3.08 | 63 | 56 |
| #3 | Mr.Hands | +1.75 | 75 | 31 |
| #4 | Ip Man | +1.74 | 39 | 42 |
| #5 | PolarCub | +0.70 | 49 | 29 |





